To put it out there I’m much more of a beard man myself, moustaches aren’t really my thing, they do intrigue me though, they come in every shape and size, they are synonymous with a wide range of people, your sophisticated gentleman, 1980’s porn star, a hill billy and cowboys. It has been said they give men a special source of righteous/evil power depending on the moustachee.

Tom Selleck has done more for moustaches than what gypsies have done for caravans, he’s that integral. Him and Sam Elliot share the co-regency for Moustache King of the Universe. When you think of Tom Selleck your first thought isn’t Magnum PI or 3 Men and a Baby, it’s his legendary tash.

Sam Elliot is co-regent of Moustache King of the Universe with Tom Selleck. Many conspiracy theorists have stated that his Moustache has completely engulfed his lips, which is the reason for his gruff voice.

Not only is Daniel Day Lewis one of the greatest actors of all time, he is also a moustache connoisseur, his finest moustached achievement was as Bill The Butcher in Gangs Of New York. His other notable moustached performance was as Daniel Plainview in the brilliant There Will Be Blood.

Clark Gable has the crème de la crème of gentlemans moustache, he could beat you at poker, drink scotch and bed your woman all at once. A master of the pencil moustache, he set the trend for gentlemen around the world.

Richard Pryor is the funniest man to do stand up comedy, period. he also starred in 45 movies. The alleged source of his supreme comedic prowess was his moustache. RIP

When I think of a stereotypical moustached hollywood actor in the 1980’s I think of Burt Reynolds, he has the archetype bad pornstar moustache. His follwers have given his tash a  hugely original name – the Burtstache (I’m not lying google it or join the facebook fan page)

Thanks to Adolf Hitler this style of moustache never really caught on circa 1939. Chalie Chaplin is one of the most influential actors, comedians and directors in cinemas young history, it’s a shame his moustache resembles Hitlers.

Borat sports the  perfect dorky moustache, he just looks awkward, this the the weird science teachers moustache, not very cool but undeniably awesome.

Hulk Hogan has probably been in some of the worst movies of all time, they are so bad you could use them as coercive interrogation (torture). The only saving grace is his horseshoe moustache, if you focus on his tash the whole time, you’ll be able to get through them, just.

Jason Lee has done great things for the moustache in the 21st century, beards have almost fully taken over but Jason is standing strong.

Kurt Russell as R.J. MacReady in The Thing

If there was one single beard that could make a man look like he eats nails and sh*ts bricks this would be that beard. The beard gets extra points because The Thing is one of my favourite films.

Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction

I don’t think there’s a more quotable movie hardass than Jules Winnfield, he had the beard to match. What kind of man has ‘Bad Mother Fucker’ written on there wallet, only a man with a beard like Jules.

Clint Eastwood as Blondie in The Good The Bad And The Ugly

My favourite anti hero in cinema history, gruff and independent, he had the beard to match. Younger movie goers who haven’t seen Clint Eastwoods films made in the 60’s and 70’s probably only know him as the guy who makes touching films, anyone who’s a little older or has a deeper history knows that he’s a man who’ll shoot you, bang your girl and ride his horse across the desert while saying something badass like ‘You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.’ An Alpha male in every way.

Toshirô Mifune as Dr. Kyojô Niide in Akahige (Red Beard)

Mifune always carries a lot of power in his films, it is rumoured his strength came from his awesome beard. Playing a Samurai, Ronin, Yakuza and Warrior in over a hundred movies breeds awesomeness. This is the guy who Clint Eastwood adopted his persona. Red Beard was his finest bearded achievement.

Gerard Butler as King Leonidas in 300

One of the most bad ass and manliest characters in film. This beard gets extra points for some of the quotes from him ‘Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell! ‘ and another gem ‘Give them nothing! But take from them everything! ‘

Al Pacino as Officer Frank Serpico in Serpico

This beard looks like it infiltrated Pacino’s face, that can only be a good thing when talking about awesome beards. This was a toss up with Pacino;s beard in Carlito’s Way, another classic beard

Zach Galifianakis as Alan Garner in The Hangover

Hands down the movie beard of 2009, it showed the world that having a beard like Rick Ross does not have the same affect on a white guy, you just look like a weird awkward guy who is incredibly funny.

Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard

Hans Gruber is also in my top 10 movie deaths (coming soon). One of my favourite villains of all time also has one of the best beards. The other 3 Die Hard movies haven’t got a lick on the original, all due to the fact that Hans Gruber’s beard wasn’t present.

Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow in the Pirates Of The Carribean series

I’m not a big fan of the series to be honest, I have a baseless deep seeded hatred for Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom. It’s not original to say Johnny Depp is the best thing about the series but simply, he is, and by a long stretch. From when you can braid your beard you know you can throw around the word epic liberally.

Chia Hui Liu as Pai Mei in Kill Bill Vol 2

This is the best beard to eyebrow combination. the fact that the beard is fake doesn’t even matter, it’s too epic to be discounted.

Sean Connery & Brian Blessed – Lifetime Achievment

These two have been rocking an epic beard for half a century, for that I salute them with the lifetime achievement award. Brian Blessed’s voice is the epitome of the word bellowing, Sean Connery is Sean Connery nuff said.